i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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