Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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