Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
