i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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