tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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