Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
