The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
