The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
