guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
