Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
