I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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