me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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