i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
