Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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