Pants 0. Shit 1.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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