I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
