my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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