I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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