Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
