I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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