Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
