Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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