1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
