dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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