If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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