textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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