How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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