I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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