We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
