I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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