bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
