I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
