Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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