i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
