Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
