Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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