She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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