and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
