I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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