what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
