This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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