only if we run a train.
done.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
