i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
