Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
