she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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