I cockslap morals
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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