My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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