you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
