Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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