Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
