I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
