i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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