It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's get the cat blown out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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