Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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