you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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