I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
