Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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