conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i drank out of a bidet.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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