I'm lost and stupid without you.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
