and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
