Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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