you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
