i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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