im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
