I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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