im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Alive.
So much puke
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
